Two nights in a row of rucking, because I really want to completely get over being sick. Because I'm trying to get my mental state back into a place of gratitude and everything feeling wonderful. Getting out and moving my body is essential to this process.
Currently my mind exists in a state of despair. Well, not really, that's the wrong word because there is still some sort of glimmer of hope, though it's not nearly as bright as usual. Everything around me feels broken and sad, and especially so after spending time in the space of last night's walk.
These are not great photographs. But then again, these are not great areas. A detention pond and bridge.
The last time I felt like this was early 2022 on a business trip to Philly. I had COVID then too, though I didn't know it at the time. COVID is a weird thing.
In Philly I spent my days in a data center, walking a mile to and from my hotel in absolutely freezing weather. It was the first time I truly noticed and felt a sense of despair in a place.
Maybe it was just me. Maybe it was the COVID sending my mental state into a place I'd rather not be. But, it's one I know I must patiently wait through as there is simply nothing else to do.
It's possible I'm being dramatic. And it's also possible something is really wrong. But things have always gotten better in the past, and I really have no reason to logically think otherwise. In any case, there's really nothing to figure out here, as this, too, shall pass. Patience.
Tonight's ruck was shared by a very good friend of mine. Spending time with people I love ... especially outside, and moving through space together ... there is just nothing else like it and it's one of my favorite things in this world.
Life is just as beautiful in the darkness as it is in the light. And yet, even while knowing this to be true, I'd still much rather spend more of my time in this beautiful place as this beautiful human in a constant state of joy. I think the secret is simply finding joy in everything, light and dark and all of the beautiful shades of gray in-between. This seems to be my ultimate quest – a seeker of constant joy.
